I feel like I have been on a very long holiday. I remember on separate occasions, conversations over coffee while the sunlight from outside poured into the room, many night drives, making up songs about loved ones with the guitar and a glass of wine, lying down at the park late at night with more wine, plenty of good food (some of which were secret), and a decent amount of self discovery.
However, those three lines above doesn’t do justice to how these few weeks had been. A friend and I were talking about what used to be our different perspectives on things (that has now changed to some extent). I have to have answers, or at least some form of certainty about the future, needing to know what the present leads to. He on the other hand was more of a risk-taker, ‘you wouldn’t know if you don’t go’ sort of person (and was something that I wished I could be). But this is the good thing about friends and relationships- they help you learn things you otherwise would not be able to learn on your own. And different relations and dynamics brings with it different sets of things you can learn about. Whether or not a certain degree of disappointment, hurt or the discomfort of leaving behind what was once comfortable must be something that you leave your heart-space for; it must be done. I do believe that if you love someone and that that person loves you as well, you can only be and want to be better (though I have no means of saying what ‘better’ means exactly, or what happens if you both have extremely poles apart ideas of love).
I will be leaving for a month, for another type of holiday. I am very, very excited. However, there are things (by that I mean people and experiences) that I am going to miss here. And knowing that I will miss certain things, makes me feel quite scared and happy, for some strange reason.